This is something I need to take off my chest, because I can no longer hold it back. I’ve been feeling pretty shitty about myself for the past month and half. People have been playing with my feelings like I was a Barbie doll. I got tired of crying my eyes out when I’m drunk because people reminded me of how poorly I’ve been treated by my so-called “friends”. I got tired of feeling empty/dead inside because people were treating me like so. I just can’t hold it back anymore. I want to scream everything out. I’ve been through hell back and forth. Guys I liked used me when they had nobody else to turn to, and because I liked them I didn’t care. But when the truth hits you and it doesn’t even come from their mouth it hurts so bad. So bad. I’ve been the backup plan. The no-matter-what-I’ll-have-Evie. I’m so tired of being the plan B. I’ve always been a plan B. I, for once, want to be a plan A. It’s killing me from the inside and I have no clue what to say or what to do. I’m completely lost, and I thought it could be a good idea to write my feelings down. I just don’t know how to do it so I’m gonna keep on writing and I hope you’ll get what I’m talking about.
Three weeks later.
I’ve been focusing on uni, and on other stuff and I would be lying if I said I stopped thinking about it, you just learn to live with it. Sad part, it tends to become normal. It’s actually my new normal. I can’t forgive those who once hurt me, but I learnt how to coexist with them. Somehow it ended up good. I just learnt to not trust people too much.
I also realize that it’s not a problem if you love people more than they love you. Allow yourself to do so, life is way too short.
It gets better, I mean right now I’m still not confortable being around them, but I can deal with it. So I feel like I’ll be able to sit around them at some point throughout the year. It gets better trust me. But first you’ll have to go through hell and back.
Hope you’ll learn something from this, I really needed to pour my heart out.
Till next time,